


A Rainy Saturday Afternoon

by Vamphile



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Fluff, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-12
Updated: 2005-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 19:45:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12065775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vamphile/pseuds/Vamphile
Summary: Brian and justin read some Fanfic about themselves.





	A Rainy Saturday Afternoon

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

So, this is another “go with me on this one” fic, in which Brian and Justin read Fanfic about themselves.

Please keep in mind that I write and read fanfic and not all of it sucks, but seriously there are some odd summaries out there.

// Indicates the fanfic or the summary of said fic.//

* * *

Brian wakes up and realizes Justin is not in bed. He heads to the fridge for water when and approaches Justin who is staring morosely at the computer screen. Kissing the top of his head he whispers   
“I told you to stop reading that shit.”

“I don’t get it?”

”That people are stupid? I thought you’d figured that out years ago.”

“No, I know that, I don’t get why everyone is trying to kill me.”

“They’re not, they’re mostly trying to make me tell you something.”

“But look, I’m perpetually being beaten, or raped, or drugged, or beaten and raped and drugged. And why am I always such a fucking pussy about it?”

”Probably for the same reason that I’m always either an asshole or an uncaring shit who eventually realizes my deep and undying love for you once you’ve been beaten and raped and killed and drugged, and sometimes in that order.”

“But you’re not an asshole and I’m not some stupid little faggot.”

“These people are stupid…couldn’t you just accept that and stop reading this stuff?”

“It’s addictive.”

”Yeah well most addictions are bad for you.”

“Holy shit?”

“What?”

”Do these people even know us?”

”No.”

“But they act like they do, and then have you say some of the most ridiculous shit ever.”

Brian sighs swings his leg over the back of the chair to sit behind Justin and rest his chin on Justin's shoulder. Justin leans back against him.

“You know while we’re both awake, I can think of many more interesting things to do than read another story about my dad beating me and you running away from home.”

“Many things?”

“Well, one thing many times.”

“Seriously Brian, what the fuck is this one, it’s our first meeting, but for some reason, I’m being beaten by my abusive boyfriend and you rescue me from the back room at Babylon, everything else happens pretty much the same, except for the part where I’m not a stupid kid who’d stay with a guy who beats me until you rescue me…oh and look, this is sweet, you tell me you love me after two months.”

Brian almost spits out his water. “Let me see that.”

“What the fuck, in this one Mikey’s beating the shit out of you.”

“You see what I mean?”

Brian takes the mouse out of Justin's hand and scrolls down the summary page further. “It’s the year 3013 and we work in the spice mines?”

”The one below it’s better, we meet at a group home for troubled teens, and are the same age.”

“In this one I’m fucking Pregnant!”

Justin laughs, “yeah, Mpregs are fun, and very realistic” he nods seriously

“Okay this one looks interesting, open it.”

“Brian, this is going to suck.”

”No, look it says right there, that three people gave it a positive review.”

Justin sighs and clicks on the title “Brian it’s a song fic.”

“What the fuck is that?”

”It means they take words to a song and pretend it has something to do with our lives.”

“Don’t these people have lives of their own?”

”Well, I guess ours are more interesting.”

“Fine close it… Wait.”

“What.”

”I want to read that one?”

”That one? No you really don’t.”

But it’s supposed to be my point of view. 

“you really are an egomaniac, you want to see what other people think is in your head?”

“Don’t you want to know what’s in my head.”

“I’m on to you remember? I already know what’s in your head, and trust me, these people have it wrong.”  
// Brain walks out of babalonn disappointed that he was unable to find a decent blowjob//   
“Am I Brain?” 

“Do you want me to answer that?”

“well the occasional inability to find a decent blowjob at Babylon is true.”

//he tries not to think about how much he loves Justin.//

“Do you really try not to think about how much you Luuuurve me???”

“Shut up twat”

//he sees the blond twink gyrating against someone on the dance floor.//

“How did I get back into Babylon, I thought I was leaving.”

“Why am I always described as a twink?”

“Shut up twink” Justin smiles and good naturedly hits Brian on the arm.

“Ouch abuse… Hey, do they ever write one where you’re abusing me?”

”I read it once, it didn’t make any sense at all, it was about pheromones and my inability not to fuck you even if you said no”

“When would I say no?”

”That was the part that didn’t make any sense”

//anger wells up inside as he the two gyrate against eachother and practicly fuck right there.//

“Justin, for the record, I actually don’t get angry when you dance with people however, I’m a little concerned about how much you’re gyrating, aren’t there other words for dancing?”

“I guess the thesauras function was disabled. And each other is two words, and they spelled practically wrong, and you’re pretty much the only person that I practically fuck on the dance floor.”

‘That’s probably for the best, or apparently I’d have to beat up everyone in Babylon.”

“Oh you’ve done that.”

“I have?”

”Yeah it was right before you let me top you in the back room.”

“I did what?”

“I told you these things are addictive.”

“I would never let you top me in the back room at Babylon”

“So where would you let me top you?”

“I’ll tell you later, find me a better story.”

“Now who’s addicted?”

”That one looks promising”

//Justin’s take on their relationship post 308//

“Brian you don’t want to read this.”

“I don’t?”

“Promise me if you read this, you won’t say anything and you’ll remember that these people have no idea who we are.”

“Open the fucking story”

//Justin is crying. //

“Awww, did another mean man try to rape Justin?”

“Nope, this is 308”

“What is 308?”

“That’s when we got back together after the fiddler”

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because stupid people think everyone wants to be hetero.”

“What?”

“Read on”

//he knew he’d agreed to this but it didn’t hurt any less to know that Brian was fucking some trick so soon after they’d gotten back together//

“You agreed to it, it says so right there!”

“Brian, I didn’t actually think this, some idiot thinks I think this.”

“but they know what happened, right? So if they saw ‘308’ then they saw ‘307’ and ‘309’ so they know we were happy together.”

“no, they can’t believe we’d be happy fucking other people”

“Well that’s just bullshit, who writes this shit”

“Well, to quote a guy I know, stupid people”

“Why does this one refer to Gus?”

“Oh, believe me you don’t want to read the fun people have with you and Gus, me and Gus, you and me and Gus, Gus and Hunter, Gus and random people”

“You’d think even stupid people would know enough to leave my kid out of it.”

“Hey”

“What?”

”Were you really at the hospital every night after prom?”

“What are you talking about?”

//Brian finally admits to Justin he was at the hospital every night after the bashing.//

“These people are stupid”

“Were you really there?”

“Shut up”

“Awww, look, we both kill ourselves in this one.”

“Okay, I thought we’d covered ridiculously romantic but apparently murder suicide makes people happier.”

“No, it’s not murder suicide it’s me and then you not being able to live without me.”

“Well yeah that’s logical, you’re dead, so I’ll just off myself and leave Mikey and Lindsay and Gus to fend for themselves.”

“Oooh it’s a Mary Sue.”

“What’s that?”

”Some girl writes herself into the story and gets to be your best friend, or sister, or long lost college buddy, and sometimes you go straight.”

“That’s it, turn off the machine.”

Justin is laughing too hard to click the buttons but he swats Brian's hand away…wait, there’s more.”

“I really don’t want to know.”

“Justin shrugs, I’ll read them myself, but you know, there are some fun ones about you and Mikey”

“Really?”

“No, everyone hates Michael, so they have a tendency to either make him retarded or be one of the people beating me up”

“You know I’d kick his ass if he hurt you.”  
“You know I’d kick his ass first and save you the trouble. And why do people always forget that Michael and I are friends. He got used to me like years ago.”

“Maybe they’ve only know about the first year?”

“No, they know all of it, shit I didn’t even know.”

“Hey Brian where did you go to college.”

“You know that.”

”Yeah I know, but apparently you’ve never told me in any sort of manner that lets them know…cause everyone keeps sending you to Penn State.”

“That’s a loser state school, that’s like three hours out of Pittsburgh.”

“You went to Pitt right?”

“Yes, because I live in Pittsburgh and for freshman year I couldn’t afford to live in the dorms, so I had to live at home, but even if I didn’t go to Pitt, I’d have never gone to that Frat Boy College Penn State suks. do you know that place is in a town called State College PA.” Can I write to these people, send them a copy of my transcripts?”

“No.”

“Look, in this one Hunter keeps taking a cab to Philadelphia.”

“That’s five hours away and would cost over 1000.00, where’s Hunter getting that kind of money even without a gag reflex?”

”Oooh, look, you’re in the mafia, and you’re supposed to kill me but you can’t because apparently I have pretty eyes.”

“You do have great eyes, but if I had to kill you because I was in the mafia, I probably would.”

Justin pouts, “You’d kill me?”

Brian shrugs, “I don’t know you, and apparently I’m a greasy asshole in the mafia, so yeah I guess I would.”

“Well then don’t join the mafia okay?”

”I’ll try, but they do keep calling with job offers.”

“Look, this one makes me older because of the squick factor.”

“Squick? That’s not a word.”

“It is here, it means it’s icky and gross, so people who think you’re too old for me make me older.”

“Why don’t they just fucking make me younger, that would make more sense.”

“They do that too, sometimes we’re in high school together.”

“That makes no sense either.”

“Brian, has a single thing we’ve read made sense?”

“Not even grammatically”

“Ooh look, I’m afraid I’m going to loose you.”

‘I think they mean lose.”

”I think they’re loosers.”

”You aren’t funny.”

“Neither are these.”

Justin sighs.

“what?”

//Justin is on the run from his ex when Brian finds him three years after their break up//

“I’m about to be raped and beaten by my boyfriend again and then you’re going to find me and rescue me.”

“When did we break up?”

Justin shrugs again, “They set these in the future and make shit up, or ignore what actually happened.”

“Open it.”

“Brian, you’re going to get pissed.”

“I’ll remain amused.”

“Even if they make you out to be a raving fall down drunk with a wildly successful ad agency of your own and I’m a scared little kid who is constantly getting slammed into stuff and telling everyone it’s my fault?”

”What the fuck, open it.”

“No you’re getting mad hearing about it.”

“Why do you think it’s your fault?”

”I don’t, but abused people do, so they put that in my head, and I wander around thinking I suck, until you show me the error of my ways and yell at anyone who thinks differently, and then you usually kick my boyfriends ass and admit you love me.”

“You know I probably would kick someone’s ass if they were beating on you.”

“Probably?”

“Well, if you kept telling me it was your fault, I might kick yours.”  
“  
Brian, I’m not letting anyone beat me, and if they tried, I think it’s my job to kick their ass.”

“Okay, as long as you know that.”

“That’s it, you’ve been reading too much of this shit, now you’re in your teach-the-kid-a-lesson-mode”

“I’m just saying you shouldn’t let anyone hurt you.”

”Brian its fiction.”

“Wait, this one looks good”

//Brian and Justin debate on a pleasant way to spend a rainy Saturday afternoon in the loft PWP//

“PWP?”

“Plot, what plot, or Porn without plot.”

“Why would we debate…here’s a quiz, rainy Saturday, in the loft, what do you want to do?’

“Hmmmm, stay inside and get fucked into the mattress until my eyes roll back in my head”

“See, no debate necessary. Open it.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

”Because I don’t need to read this, this scene we can create on our own” And with that Justin stands up, removing his shirt and dropping it on the floor behind him as he slowly walks the steps up to the bed. Before he can even pull back the duvet Brian is behind him kissing his neck, “hey, look, it’s a rainy Saturday afternoon.”


End file.
